TLDR: Training plan and body stats are towards the bottom in the section titled MY CURRENT PLAN DETAILS. My goal is to post updates on here at least once weekly with how training and nutrition is going and any bumps or random thoughts along the way. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or thoughts on additional information that would be helpful for me to include.
I was driving down a winding, rocky forest trail in my red Ford F-150 with my son. He was about 10 years old and I’m not really sure where we were headed. The trail was narrow, certainly too narrow for a truck and I felt the back left wheel nearly miss falling off the edge. The drop off was steep and after recovering my back wheel, I tried to hit the breaks. Why were we on this trail? Where were we heading? This is so dangerous! As I went to hit the breaks, the truck spun out and accelerated. I tried again, this time steering into the slope of the hill on our right to try to stop us from continuing down this treacherous path. Instead of stopping, the truck drove up and over the incline reaching the flat surface at the top of the trail and suddenly went into high gear. We were closing in on the precipice on the other side of the plateau and I couldn’t get the truck to stop. I slammed on the breaks and I looked to see if Dante’s seat belt was secure as my terror rose and the breaks malfunctioned. As we flew off the edge into a deep gorge below, a wave of sadness rolled over me that I couldn’t protect my son and we would not have a chance to say I love you and goodbye to my daughter, husband, and all the rest of our family…I woke up with a racing heart and immense gratitude that it had only been a dream.
This dream took place two nights ago. As I moved through the morning, I kept thinking about life and how to live it fully with no regrets. I have no idea what the dream meant. Was it just another nightmare because my body was overheating? Yes, nightmares happening when I’m too warm is a thing, which is super fun as I’m going through menopause. Or was it a message? Honestly, I’m too practical to believe in messages. I want to believe. Don’t get me wrong. It’s super comforting and sometimes I look to things, places, smells, people with hope that they are some sort of guiding force in my life. Until I remember that bad things happen to good people - good children - good families. And then I am reminded that though we are all interconnected in this human existence, bad shit just sometimes happens.
Death and I are on a first name basis. I see it in my work on almost weekly. While the pediatric world was mostly spared in 2020 (with the exception of MIS-C), we are back to pre-2020 numbers and beyond in the pediatric emergency department. I love my job. We help an incredible amount of children. And I absolutely love being a supporting member of the ED team. My physician, nursing, respiratory therapist, ED pharmacist staff members fuel me. They rely on me. They teach me. They make me laugh and smile in the face of tragedy. I’m bonded to my colleagues in ways I will never be bonded to those who don’t experience this type of secondary trauma together.
But I need something outside of work to remind me that just because I am exposed to so much trauma and pain this is only one small part of life. We will all die someday. It’s sad that so many lives end too early to experience life to it’s fullest. To grow up. Go to college. Experience love and families of their own. But I need to remember that I have grown up. I have gone to college. I have experienced love and family (more than once). Not taking that for granted is what helps me to go back day after day to help those I can and remember those I can’t.
What does ANY of this have to do with bodybuilding? This is just one tiny glimpse into the many thoughts that swirl through this brain of mine. I’m really new to this sport. I still have a tremendous amount to learn. I’ve been regularly weight training for a year now and I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to capture any more progression as I move through this process. I love having goals and something fun and hard to focus on. This will be extremely hard and also extremely exciting!
What I don’t want to do is to lose sight of my WHY. I DON’T want to replace certain dissociative behaviors I have utilized in the past with a new one. I DON’T want this to be the only thing that I think about at the expense of my relationships. I DON’T want to have regrets and wonder “what if I had actually tried” later in life.
I’m grateful for my friend Whitney who reminded me that these competitions are not like marathons. Sign up doesn’t occur until much much closer to competition day. I don’t have to commit to any one competition right now. But they are similar to marathons in that this is a long game. I DO need to commit to this as a long term project with mini goals along the way that need to be met every single day and week if competing is the ultimate goal. I DO want a challenging, fun and positive outlet. I DO want to learn more about my body, my mind, and my spirit by going through this process. I DO want to simplify my routine.
For nearly 12 years I have worked 2nd shift 7 days on and 7 days off. That schedule automatically breeds chaos and inconsistency. For example, I can’t commit to my old neighborhood’s monthly book club because they meet on the 3rd Monday of every month. Some months I’m available. Some I’m not. I can’t have standing weekly riding or dinner commitments. They have to be every other week.
And yet after 12 years, I’m finding ways to create a schedule and a routine. I do this by simplifying my life and not trying to flip flop it around for everyone else all the time. Whether I’m working or not, I can eat the same foods to make my meal planning and shopping easier and free up time for family or other hobbies. Whether I’m working or not, I can keep my midday workout time the same and not flip flop it from week to week.
I can keep it simple in social media and in this blog. I can share my stats. My workouts. My food. My day to day. The other deeper side of me will always be there too. It may be brought in from time to time. I’m an open book. Some say I share way too much. (But what is too much? Haha) The one thing I want to do is to remain authentic. Part of that is to share that this goal is so much deeper than just saying I want to train for and compete in a bikini competition. This goal is fitness related. The goal is to build muscle and sculpt my body. But as one bikini competitor Celestial Rains-Turk says, this adventure is about building so much more than just a body. And so we begin…
MY CURRENT PLAN DETAILS:
Soooooooo………for the plan as it is now……….I have a coach named Liv. She too reminded me that this is a long process. It takes time to build muscle. Lots and lots and lots and lots of time. 😂 It’s so hard for me to let go and trust someone else to guide me. I’m not the easiest person to coach but that is part of this learning process as well. And fortunately Liv GETS me. 🤗 We will spend some time leaning me back out. (I got down to just under 13% body fat and 113 lbs over the summer but have put since weight and fat back on.) Then we will start the process of building. I can’t wait to document this journey!!
My training plan right now is minimum 4 days of strength training workouts per week.
- Push, Pull, and 2x Lower body with the option of adding in another Push or Pull day or both if I can train more.
- Abs 3 times a week.
- HIIT cardio 3 times a week.
Nutrition plan is as follows:
- P = 135 grams
- F = 30-35 grams
- C = 175-185 grams
- Total = 1510-1595 calories per day
However, to meet my protein daily macro goals, my protein choices need to be from lean sources. Satiety is also helped with eating higher fiber foods for my carbohydrate choices. Activation of stretch receptors in the stomach help with satiety so choosing foods higher in bulk and lower in density will be helpful as we move through a deficit. The reverse will be helpful once I start increasing my calories. If you don’t know already, this process is simple and straightforward…but it’s NOT EASY!!
End of Week 1:
Current weight = 115.6 lbs
Body fat % = 14.9%
Lean body weight (LBW) = 98 lbs
Fat weight = 17 lbs
Waist = 27.25 in
Hips = 35 in
Shoulders = 40 in
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