Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

My son and I were talking this week again about the word “journey”. A fantasy writer named Brandon Sanderson writes about this word in his book series called The Stormlight Archives. His quote in this book is “Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination”. Sanderson’s books are about mystical worlds and beings but his characters have tremendous depth and there is so much realism in the struggles they face in his stories. This is my story that I’m choosing to share with my readers. I hope you enjoy being along for the ride.

This journey that I’m on is not just about working towards getting on stage in a bikini to show off my muscles. It is about experimenting with something so incredibly challenging that by its very nature will teach me more about my body, mind, and spirit. I’ve always been fascinated with the connection between these 3 parts of ourselves and one of my tattoos has a symbol within it to reflect these interconnected parts. This is the end of my week 2 of this journey and here are my thoughts on how it is going….

I feel most alive when I can work towards a physical goal. I have lifted weights off and on for years. Mostly off. I ran long distance beginning when I was 29 years old and worked my way up to ultramarathons. I often refrained from lifting legs because it would interfere with the energy I needed for training endurance. When I switched to horseback riding, leg day got in the way of staying on the horse. 

In June 2021, I finally decided to create a habit of lifting. I signed up with a trainer named Werner at Lifetime Fitness and committed to lifting 30 minutes 1 time per week. Often times, it was all I could do to get in for that one workout session. But I stuck with it. It helps that I was paying someone to hold me accountable. As I learned from him and became more comfortable with all of the machines and movements, I started going into the gym on my own. First once a week then twice. By November 2021, I felt confident enough to increase my training sessions - coached and solo - and lifting became an almost daily habit.

Fast forward to June 2022. I had trained consistently for a year with a personal trainer and though it was not cheap, it was an incredible investment in my health. I gained a ton of knowledge and confidence in the gym and felt confident to become more independent. I signed up with a coach named Olivia recommended by a friend. She drafted a nutrition plan for me (assigned macros for me to meet each day) and assigned me a workout regimen. I started out really strong. I dropped body fat and gained muscle and was just chugging along. Until it got hard. And life got hard. Two week international vacation followed by being stuck in a different country on our way back home. Add in 5 overtime days in the month I got back. My father’s surgery. And culminating with starting therapy. 

I also didn’t know if my heart was truly in this goal. Am I being selfish by setting it? Am I being vain? Am I too old to do this? Do I want to keep certain things in my life that can’t be in it if I’m going to go all in 100%?

It took a while to get here folks. And I may change my mind at any time. Ha! But right now I just don’t see that happening. I may screw up along the way. Hell, I WILL screw up along the way. But the beauty in this is if we fall, we can get up again. We can try again. We can try and try and tweak and tweak until next thing we know we are doing the thing.

I heard a quote in a podcast this week that completely resonated with me. It was an episode of Iron Culture and they were interviewing Dr. Ben House. Dr. House has a PhD in nutrition and is a Certified Functional Medicine Practitioner as well as a strength coach. He decided to support a client by going through the process of getting as lean as he possibly could with absolute no goal of competing while his client was preparing for a competition. He had this to say on his podcast…

“The reason I love this the most is you can’t fucking buy it…you can make it easier…but it is not for sale and I love that…The only way you get this is through your effort and it is never going to be easy.” — Dr. Ben House

This process is not easy and I think that is a significant part of its allure. How do I meet these goals day in and day out while also maintaining healthy relationships with my spouse, my adult children, my family, my friends, my work, and most of all, myself? How do I plan to make it easier and to predict obstacles that may get in my way?

The way I meet my nutrition and training goals are to continuously refine, adjust and standardize my routine until I find what works. Identifying possible obstacles and preparing for them. And staying connected and present with myself and with others throughout this process.

Another topic arose as I spoke with a friend about my goal this week. I mentioned that I’m excited to get into this sport and she asked if it could really be considered a sport. That’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I’ve heard that lots of non bodybuilder members in the strength community question its validity as a sport. So I looked up the definition of sport. It is “an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.” There is definitely physical exertion and skill, though that is done in the months and years before comp day as opposed to on the actual day itself. There is skill in that one has to walk and position their body in such a way to maximize the visibility of key muscle groups for the judging process as well as the skill involved in building and fine tuning all the right muscle groups along the way. There is skill in cutting body fat down to a level such that muscle definition is visible. There is definitely competition between individuals. And it is definitely for entertainment as opposed to some more functional purpose.

In the debate of whether or not it should be an Olympic sport, I found the following passage in an article on bodybuilding.com.

The IOC and OPC claimed that simply, bodybuilding is not a sport and therefore has no place in the Olympic Games. Who decides what a sport is in the first place? I searched and found a list of pre-requisites for a sport.

According to Sociology of Sport, a sport must fulfill all of the following:

• Activity becomes less subject to individual prerogative, with spontaneity severely diminished.

• Formal rules and structural role and position relationships and responsibilities within the activity assume predominance.

• Separation from the rigors and pressures of daily life become less prevalent.

• Individual liability and responsibility for the quality and character of his behavior during the course of the activity is heightened.

• The relevance of the outcome of the activity and the individual's role in it extends to the groups and collectivities that do not participate directly in the act.

• Goals become diverse, complex, and more related to values emanating from outside of the context of the activity.

• The activity consumes a greater proportion of the individual's time and attention due to the need for preparation and the degree of seriousness involved in the act.

Competitive Bodybuilding meets all of these pre-reqs. Bodybuilding passes every single one and therefore should be considered a sport.

I found this to be an interesting subject of conversation with my friend.

Current Plan Details:
Average actual macros last week:

P = 134.6 gms - (goal 135)

F = 35.7 gms - (goal 30-35)

C = 198 gms - (goal 175-185)

Keep in mind this is assuming I tracked accurately. I do my best and use a scale as often as I can. That said, even trained nutritionists are sometimes off. I am not obsessing over being perfect. It is my goal, however, to get better and better at meeting the targets set before me by my coach. Learning how to let go and be coached is a massive skill that I’m practicing. Simply making the decision to do this and to follow Liv’s lead and to trust her is a big first step y’all!!!

I have not felt very hungry this week even though I’m in a slight deficit. I have noticed that I’m weaker in the gym. I’m ok with this because I still lift the weight required to hit the number of reps prescribed with an RPE of at least 8-9 by the last set if the exercise doesn’t say to go to failure.

I’m so excited to share that over the past few weeks I have actually come to feel the presence of a derriere! My whole entire life I have had an awareness of my abdomen. Maybe it’s because I primarily wear pants which have a waistline of either elastic, drawstring or a zipper and button. Maybe it’s because, as a high school friend once told me, I’m built like a tree. I have had sensations of bloating from “female stuff” or fullness from food or just awareness of its existence. This is normal. As we eat and fast throughout the day and wear certain clothes, we can feel our abdominal area.

What I am NOT familiar with is the sensation of the presence of my backside. I have always been quite flat on my posterior side and running distance did not help with that. Due to my build, my pants tended to be tighter around my waist and looser around my hips and buttocks. But as I have increased lower body training, specifically with focus on hamstrings and glutes, these sensations are changing. I can literally feel the presence of my glutes now. I wonder if it is because its size is changing or if it’s because I finally know how to activate and target them. Either way, I too am along for the ride in this and am loving the changes that are happening, however slight they may be. It may not be obvious to others yet, but it sure is obvious to me!

I hit 5 weight workouts (goal of at least 4), 3 out of 3 ab workouts, and 2 out of 3 sprint workouts.

My goal in the coming week is to hit workouts and practice planning better to hit all my macro goals.

End of Week 2:

Current weight = 117.5 lbs

Body fat % = 13.5%

Lean body weight (LBW) = 101.6 lbs

Fat weight = 15.9 lbs

Waist = 27.4 in

Hips = 34.5 in

Shoulders = 39.75 in

Have a great week, my friends!